STRANGE TOP TEN LISTS

• TOP TEN STRANGE TV SHOW LINES
  1. Can I scrooch him now Cloyd? Can I? Can I?
  2. You just said, "Cheese in my pants makes me happy." (in French)
  3. Have a bamboo shoot? Tastes like porch furniture.
  4. Ask a silly question and I guess you get a silly road.
  5. I'm glad the average crook has a brain smaller than that of a walnut.
  6. Don't cross your bridges before they are hatched.
  7. They've got a rule in the county that you can't take anything that's in the county out of the county if it was in the county when the county was not yet a county.
  8. The shortest distance between two points is a row of corn.
  9. Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!
  10. You can lead a horse to water, but not to broccoli.
• TOP TEN UNUSUAL MOVIE LINES
  1. Move that crate! The light aint gonna get any greener!
  2. Look at this cheese. It's got holes in it.
  3. Isn't it elf-explanatory? I'm an elf.
  4. The only requisition that's been filled is the one for more requisition paper.
  5. Full speed afish!
  6. What did I do on D-day? On D-day, I typed up the general's requisition for more toilet paper.
  7. We got two gross of pith helmets last week. (arctic base)
  8. No, because the one who isn't my fiancee also is the one who isn't my wife.
  9. Your hair is always combed, your suit is always white, your car is always clean.
  10. Wow! A wall jumpin party. Just like back home!
• TOP TEN UNLIKELY LINES IN PRINT
  1. It works neat, Dad! Only how often do you want to take down a pencil sharpener?
  2. Ouch! You and your stupid mammoth slippers.
  3. Bend Oregon. It's right there on the box. People wonder how you can do that.
  4. But you have to take anything a TV newsman says with a bag of salt.
  5. The president is on the side of the country instead of the side of the miners.
  6. My opponent is a homo-sapiens and engages in heterosexual behavior.
  7. If you eat this candy, it will make your child hyperactive.
  8. November 21 1996 is Thanksgiving Day on some calendars made in Memphis Tennessee.
  9. Half of the lies my opponent tells about me are not true.
  10. It seems he was caught in a scandal involving a camel and a wicker basket.
• TOP TEN AMAZING ADVERTISEMENTS
  1. We sell 7-up, bottled gas and water.
  2. Try our boasted chicken breast.
  3. For sale: Three piece suit with matching drapes and bedspreads.
  4. Try our cough syrup. You will never get any better.
  5. Three Santas! No waiting!
  6. This week's sermon: The Empty Bomb.
  7. For sale: Large wicked sofa.
  8. Dreaded veal cutlets.
  9. Our product is a nice mouse wash and breath freshener. Removes Plague.
  10. Cookook sale.
• TOP TEN ODD SIGNS
  1. BUMP - HANDICAPPED PEDESTRIANS - 5 MPH
  2. GO OUTSIDE FENCE TO GET SHOT
  3. FERGIE'S PARKING ONLY. ALL OTHER CARS WILL BE CRUSHED AND MELTED.
  4. BORING OREGON CITY - NEXT EXIT
  5. THIS IS NOT US 40
  6. CURVE - 20 MPH - WE ARE NOT FOOLING
  7. NO PICNICKING DOGS OR BALL PLAYING
  8. NO TROUGH TRAFFIC
  9. 10 TON BRIDE AHEAD
  10. CHINESE DINE-IN OPEN TAKE-OUT RESTAURANT
• TOP TEN MISTAKES IN MOVIES
  1. Various Santa Claus movies - Day and night cycles at the North Pole, and starting the Christmas toy run when it gets dark in New York (when it's already afternoon on Christmas Day in Kiribati).
  2. A CHRISTMAS CAROL - Filmed in London, with TV antennas on every roof.
  3. JUMPIN' JACK FLASH - When the connection is repaired, the original screen will not return to the computer screen, but a new session would start. Also, it is quite obvious that the screens were painted on glass in the shot-up monitors, because part of the picture was still visible.
  4. THE TEN COMMANDMENTS - They called Moses' mother Joshebel instead of Joshebed, and Joshua and his girlfriend do not age 40 years between the time Moses kills the Egyptian and the time the Israelites leave Egypt.
  5. SANTA CLAUS (THE MOVIE) - Why didn't Santa just slow down and let them jump out of the car into the sleigh?
  6. TOYS - Objects keep appearing and disappearing as the camera angle changes.
  7. SPEED - Nothing could smash into that many things in a row and keep going over 50 miles per hour as the bus did on that exit ramp.
  8. A GOOFY MOVIE - Goofy's shoes are left on the pavement when the car explodes. Then he has them on when he crashes through the porch roof.
  9. THE WIZARD OF SPEED AND TIME - One time the secretary calls Mr. Bookman by the name Mr. Bedford.
  10. RUDOLF THE RED NOSED REINDEER - Everyone leaves doors and windows open when they sneak out of a building. In arctic weather, that would be noticed immediately.
• TOP TEN STUPID DRIVER TRICKS (all illegal)
  1. Speed up when another car tries to pass
  2. Follow too close
  3. Sneak through private parking lot to avoid a red light
  4. Change lanes without enough space for safety
  5. Turn from wrong lane
  6. Fail to dim headlights when approaching another car
  7. Fail to signal turns
  8. Pass stopped car on left to turn right on red
  9. Fail to stop when entering public road from driveway
  10. Wait in intersection to turn left
• TOP TEN STUPID BICYCLE TRICKS (all illegal)
  1. Ride on sidewalks
  2. Unlighted at night
  3. Fail to make complete stop at stop sign
  4. Wrong way on one-way street
  5. Fail to stop when entering public road from driveway
  6. Run red light
  7. Turn from wrong lane
  8. On wrong side of road
  9. Ride in crosswalks to avoid stop for red light
  10. Ride through private parking lots to avoid stop for red light
• TOP TEN STUPID PEDESTRIAN TRICKS (all illegal)
  1. Cross against signal
  2. Cross midblock, where adjacent intersections have signals
  3. Run into traffic
  4. Expect cars to be able to stop instantly
  5. Fail to walk facing traffic where no sidewalks exist
  6. Walk in road where sidewalks exist
  7. Dark clothing at night
  8. Suddenly turn into traffic to cross the street
  9. Stand and talk in crosswalk
  10. Stand in road to solicit rides or money
• TOP TEN STUPID GOVERNMENT TRAFFIC TRICKS
  1. End a middle lane on a freeway
  2. Lag-trap at a traffic signal
  3. Inadequate sight distance
  4. Mark hazard instead of removing it
  5. Movements in same lane receive go signals at different times
  6. Movements not provided at interchange
  7. Inadequate detour
  8. Single burned out lamp changes meaning of signal
  9. Sharp curves
  10. Layman politicians control traffic