Many times I see products which make me ask, "What were they thinking?" Here is a list of the weirdest and strangest products:
They put the flashlight on the other end of the pen, pointing away from the pen
point.
So you can't see what you are writing in the dark.
Another version is a keychain with a flashlight on the other end - pointed away from the keyhole.
New
primaries
Old
Primaries
The correct primary colors of pigment have been known since 1934. They are magenta, yellow, and cyan (see image at right). These primary colors are based on the science of color vision.
So why do art companies still provide sets designed around the obsolete primaries? Excepting use with certain kinds of oil paints, the old primaries (red, yellow, and blue - see lower image) are useless. The new primaries work with almost all media.
Yet they still make these nice (?) sets of colored pencils, crayons, chalks, and/or watercolors with the old primary colors in mind, and make the following mistakes in constructing them;
Why do these companies put out such stupid art sets?
Maybe it's because the teacher's union wants to teach the "traditional" (but wrong) primaries used by "the masters" instead of the scientifically correct primaries.
Crayola even prints "Preferred by Teachers" on its sets that have all of the old primaries, but not all of the new ones.
See my article:
In the same error, these companies produced the toy tops at left for children, using the old primary colors. As the top spins, the gears connected to the stationary stand on the bottom slowly turn the three wheels, changing the color bands seen inside the top.
Ohio Art Top | Schylling Top | Old Colors | Author's Top | New Design | New Colors |
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The page author owned the Ohio Art top as a child (around 7 years old).
New Light
Primaries
This is prescribed by cardiac specialists for heart attack victims. But it costs so much that most patients can't afford it. Medicare does not cover it fully and the copays are still unaffordable.
There is no way this could cost that much to make. Companies are taking heavy profit from it. It is time to remove copyright and patent royalties from necessary medical supplies.
This is a fun prank that shoots instantly polymerized plastic string out of a spray can all over everything.
One problem is that the propellant and the residue from the polymerization are both flammable. Do not use Silly String near any source of heat.
Another problem is that these gases are asphyxiants that can suffocate in a small enclosed space (such as in a car).
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These were sold for children to play with. The idea was that children could build train tracks and roads that go wherever they wanted them to go. But most of the sets prevent that.
The problem is that the pieces have either male or female connectors on the ends of each piece. The child finds that the pieces he wants to connect together will not connect together because both pieces are male or both pieces are female. Some of the sets have "correctors" that connect two female parts together, but those are "small parts" that are unsafe for small children.
The pieces for the first three sets shown have the problem. The piece shown on the right is made so that each piece has both male and female connections on each end, always in the same order. All of the pieces can be used in any order with this design.
This was a set of concentric conical rings that can be pulled tight to form a coffeepot. It was based on a collapsible drinking cup that was also intended for carrying in a knapsack for camping.
The problem is that it could collapse while in use. When heated, the segments expanded at different rates, and it collapsed, spilling water on the fire (and maybe the user). This was rare with the cup.
A collapsible dishpan is sold that works the same way. It could collapse by itself the same way.
A set of collapsible measuring cups that works the same way is being sold. I wonder how accurately they measure each time they are expanded. And will these collapse if put down?
This was sold to be a safety grab bar used for entering and leaving a bathtub.
It has lock levers that increase the suction.
The catalog photo shows it attached to a tiled wall.
The page author bought one of these.
It pulled the tiles off the bathroom wall when a handicapped person tried to use it.
The lamp has a label saying not to use a bulb larger than 60 watts because the socket is not designed to handle more power.
The problem is that they then added a conversion based on the number of lumens the bulb emits, saying not to use a CFL larger than 13 watts or an LED larger than 9 watts.
A stupid lawyer must have required this. The socket is designed to handle 60 watts no matter what kind of bulb is inserted. It is the heat from current in the socket, not the amount of light emitted, that can cause the hazard.
Or maybe they were afraid the brighter bulb would fade the lampshade.
The life of an incandescent lamp is easy to figure:
- The rated life of the lamp is the average cumulative time the lamp can be
lit before it fails.
The problem is that other kinds of lamps must by law be labeled using the same tests that incandescent lamps must use.
For fluorescent and CFL (Compact Fluorescent Lamp) lamps, the life is not determined
by the cumulative time the lamp has been lit, but on how many times the lamp has been
started.
- The average fluorescent or CFL can be turned on about 6500 times before it
fails.
- But heat and bad power can shorten this number.
- The label showed an erroneous number of hours for the life.
The problem with LEDs is that the published life is based only on the LED element.
- But the power supply in the base can have a much shorter life.
- Bad power and heat can shorten the life further.
- Usually some power event causes the lamp's power supply to fail.
Various kinds of items are sold with monogram letters on them, including wall hangings, trivets, draperies, plates, silverware, glasses, bedspreads, seat covers, etc. The problem is that they offer only 12 to 16 letters of the alphabet. If your surname is Quillen, Ulrich, or Zimmermann, you are out of luck.
These are items similar to the monogrammed items above. Like the monograms, the vendor provides only 8, 12, or 16 teams, instead of all of the teams in the NFL. The logos of other sports, other leagues, and college teams are also sold in the same way. But if your team is not on the list of available logos, you can't have one with your team on it.
Tuba Mirum?
The poster in a record store said "Tuba Mirum".
... With a picture of a tuba???
The phrase "Tuba Mirum" is in Latin.
It means "Wonderful trumpet".
The Latin word "tuba" means "trumpet".
The phrase has nothing to do with the musical instrument we call a tuba.
Tuba Mirum is a part of the Requiem Mass used in the Catholic Church.
(Update - the page author found out that this poster was made to sell a CD made by
a tuba player
... It does not contain any part of the Requiem Mass.)
Many kitchen devices are sold that are intended to make only one kind of food. These include pizza cooker, lasagna cooker, egg poacher, devilled egg filler, butter melter, banana peeler, peach shaver, corn butterer, wine cork remover, salad spinner, etc.
Most people can do these things with the kitchen equipment they already have. They don't need special devices to make each kind of food. And often there is often no room to store all of these special devices in a small kitchen.
This is a roll of plastic that fits under the door, with half of the roll on each side. It prevents drafts from going under the door. It works fine if the door is indoors, or if another door or a portico (porch overhang) keeps rain off the device. But if the door is exposed to rain, it brings rain water into the house.
Most of those nice looking winter boots they sell are not waterproof. When the snow melts, your feet get very wet. And in some cases, getting the boots wet makes them fall apart.
On the other hand, boots that are waterproof don't keep your feet warm.
These 11-inch to 13-inch ceiling lamps are generally shaped like women's breasts.
They are sold in pairs in a package that makes them look like a huge bra.
I wonder how many people bought them because they subconsciously saw boobs.
A marketing booby trap?
The problem with this is in the instructions.
It tells the person cooking it how to thaw and cut up the chicken.
Then it tells the cook to "stir the vegetables into the meat."
At that time, the vegetables are still frozen into a solid block.
The problem is evident when you look at the picture on the box. The caption
underneath says:
SERVING SUGGESTION
KEEP FROZEN.
Another problem is confusing Chicken Marsala with Chicken Masala
There is only one letter difference between the two names.
- Chicken Marsala is an Italian dish with a wine sauce.
- Chicken Masala is a dish from India using strong bitter spices.
These are stylish chairs for outdoor use.
The problem is that the seat of the chair slopes strongly downward to the back.
Children who sit in the chair have trouble getting up out of it.
Elderly people who sit in the chair have trouble getting up out of it.
Disabled people who sit in the chair have trouble getting up out of it.
It is almost impossible to get rid of one once you have it.
Nice keyboards, except that the decals they made the letters out of rub off the keyboard keys, leaving you puzzled about which key is which. Mold the letters into the keytops, please.
For many people, it comes with a built-in enema.
This kind of "Swiss-Army tool" has 10 or more tools built into one device. The problem is that combining the tools makes each tool harder to use. Also, you can't use two of the tools in the set at the opposite ends of the same bolt.
These include pencil boxes, food containers, CD carriers, cosmetic cases, and other kinds of containers. They are all made of a cheap flexible plastic.
The problem is that the hinges wear out and break off. Then the container becomes useless.
They don't make cell phones any safer to use while driving, because the cell phone removes the driver's brain from the road.
It looks like a good idea until you try it:
These lamps are quite nice when they are new.
The problem is the kind of plastic the lampshades are made of.
This plastic photodegrades (deteriorates when exposed to strong light).
The plastic becomes extremely brittle when photodegraded.
After three or four years of use, the lampshades crack or shatter.
Ultraviolet light from CFL and LED bulbs may speed the photodegrading.
The page author has had one of these lamps for 9 years.
- Only CFL and LED bulbs have been in the lamp.
- The lampshades broke and were replaced after 4 years and after 8 years.
- The replacements cost almost as much as the lamp.
Once you set it up and fill it up with items (videos in the page author's case) it will never again be folded up unless you put it in the moving van to move to another house.
Keep using it in the same place and see the hole worn in the rug.
This simple device is to help you keep track of your pills.
But this violates many state laws:
These laws require keeping prescription drugs in the original bottle.
This bottle must have the original prescription label on it.
This is supposed to be a lunch you can carry with you, make in a microwave oven, and eat while you walk. However, it was not nearly as easy to prepare as it looks in the pictoral instructions:
These pills help various calcium problems.
But the pills stick together in the bottle:
The user has to shake the bottle to knock the pills apart to get one.
This should be on the bottle:
SHAKE WELL BEFORE USING
This is how they sell vegetables that need to be steamed. While the idea is fine, the package does not always behave:
I usually cook the package 1.5 minutes less that the time specified on high, and then cook it for 5 minutes on half power.
These work well when they are new, but they rarely last longer than two years. The following are the most common reasons these lights fail so early.
These trucks are so long that they either occupy two parking spaces or stick out into the driving aisle between rows of parking spaces.
Also, a driver in the next space can't see around the too-long truck to be able to back out.
They should make special spaces for these trucks - at the far end of the parking lot.
The page author saw three of these trucks (black vehicles in diagram) parked in a line
that blocks half of a parking aisle:
- The first truck from the next aisle used up its space and part of the
space in front (right).
- The second truck parked in the space on the left.
- The third truck parked in the space on the right (had to back twice).
The suction cup always lets go at the most inopportune time. An indoor-outdoor thermometer held by suction cups fell and broke, spilling the colored liquids on the rug. Also, a pretty sun catcher on another window fell and shattered.
Connecting incandescent heat lamps in series saves energy. But rules that require all screw shells to be connected to the neutral prohibit this series wiring.
This provides an assortment of products that people can choose from at parties.
The problem is that, at the end of the party, you are left with a box or bowl
containing several packs of only one of the choices.
- With the mini Hershey bar assortment, you end up with Mr Goodbars.
- With lunch meat assortments, you end up with Old Fashioned Loaf.
- With most of the Frito Lay assortments, you end up with Cheetos.
Most Frito Lay assortments have Cheetos.
Then you have the problem of what to do with the extras.
When you take a drink, the cookie or the teabag falls out onto your lap.
This clips onto a bare lightbulb to hide the bulb and socket. But it won't work with a compact fluorescent squiggle bulb.
Accessible
Dispenser
The general idea is that the paper does not need to be as wide as they had made the standard rolls. They made the new rolls half an inch narrower.
This idea works until the roll is used with the handicap-accessible dispenser shown at right.
Two spring-loaded triangular plastic ears hold the roll. Push the roll up from below to insert it. To remove the empty tube, lift it out upwards.
This dispenser was sold by the millions from about 1985 to around 2005.
The problem is that it ejects the new narrower rolls at the slightest provocation.
Addendum: They have again shortened the toilet-paper rolls. The new rolls are shorter than the distance between the ears. They cannot be used at all with the dispenser shown.
This causes the toilet bowl to light up when it is approached at night. The first problem is that you need other light to use the toilet anyway. The second problem is when unsuspecting Uncle Ralph with the heart condition is surprised by the sudden light, has a heart attack, and dies.
This works well - too well. Airplane pilots have reported blinding laser strikes from some of these devices.
There are non-laser versions that are safe.
Sometimes manufacturers put the segments of each digit too close to neighboring digits.
This makes the display hard to read at a distance or under low light.
This is a garden hose that expands when water pressure is applied to it. It then stays expanded as long as the water is on. As soon as the water is turned off, it shrinks until it resumes its compact size.
The problem occurs if you leave the hose with the water turned on resting on a shelf full of flowerpots. Then someone turns off the water and the hose shrinks. It knocks all of the flowerpots off the shelf and they fall and break.
What do you do if the places you need these most are places where the sun never shines?
The light from these bulbs has parts of the spectrum missing, making the colors of some objects appear to change to other colors. The missing colors are deep red, cyan, and violet.
The light from compact fluorescents has just bright lines in spectrum. The rest of the spectrum is missing, making the colors of some objects appear to change to other colors.
The light from these bulbs is a continuous spectrum, but the blue end of the spectrum is much weaker than the red end, giving the bulbs a yellow or orange color. This makes the colors of some objects appear to change to other colors.
You have to hunt to find colored light bulbs that can be used for RGB or other color mixing purposes. Many produce leakage colors that are not the desired color.
Some versions are purposely made to simulate the awfully leaky incandescent bulb filters they are intended to replace. Others are just white LEDs with colored plastic caps.
Too often the businesses that sell them see the use of these bulbs to be nothing but parties, and often change suppliers without warning.
If you find a light bulb you like, they will discontinue it. Then you will have to find something new that exactly replaces it.
Often the new version has a different spectral distribution, upsetting any scientific or engineered purpose you bought the bulb for. In other cases, the new bulb might not fit in your fixture. The new bulb might be brighter or dimmer. Some new versions have transparent globes with fake filaments inside.
Too often the business that sells them sees the use of these bulbs to be nothing but illumination, and often changes suppliers without warning.
The new bulb has a built-in power supply in the base or fixture that rectifies and filters the 60-Hz power to give either a steady DC output or one that flashes at a much higher frequency. This removes visible flicker in the room, but also makes the bulb useless for calibrating a rotating object.
The disc shown is intended for calibrating the speed of a phonograph record turntable. Right click on the disc and choose View Image to see it better.
Use an old fluorescent fixture or a neon night light to correctly use the disc.
In some houses, there are no available corners. In the page author's house, there are few available corners. Every corner has a doorway, a closet, a window, a fixture (e.g. sink), a kitchen counter, an appliance hookup (e.g. washing machine) or something else that keeps it from containing a storage device. Each bedroom has one corner for the bed. There are only three corners left that are not inside closets, and they are already occupied.
Some houses have no swinging doors. They have arches, sliding doors, pocket doors, accordion doors, open entrances to halls, stairways, and other kinds of doorways. Some swinging doors open against adjacent walls, leaving no room for the storage devices. The page author's house has only 4 swinging interior doors, and all of them open against adjacent walls.
A spork is a spoon with tines on the end of the bowl.
The old spork was very useful. The new spork is hard to use and it breaks easily. I would bet that the patent on the old one expired, and the company wanted something they could have a patent on.
There are several problems with this:
There are several problems with this:
(• ) (• )
This keeps people who do not have or want cell phones or who have the wrong cell phones from accessing the device or contest.
This is a small portable suitcase phonograph.
The biggest words on the box are "BIG BASS".
Those of us who are familiar with record turntables know this:
The speaker must never be in the same cabinet that the turntable is in.
The bass notes in the music shake the pickup tracking the record groove.
This causes feedback.
There can't really be big bass in a one-piece phonograph.
This keeps people who do not have or want wireless devices from using them.
Many people don't want wireless devices for security reasons.
Some devices use the same frequencies and interfere with each other.
A power failure often causes all of the devices to pair up with the wrong partners.
These use artificial stupidity to make the following kinds of mistakes:
This keeps people who do not have or want wireless devices from using them.
Many people don't want wireless devices for security reasons.
Some devices use the same frequencies and interfere with each other.
There is a limit of how many wireless devices of the same type can be in the same area.
Often the devices try to steal each other's transmitters.
A power failure often causes all of the devices, to pair up with the wrong partners.
Internet connections are not needed for most devices. Internet connections can cause the following troubles:
Car makers have made strange shapes using the parking or running lights. But when seen in the dark of night, other drivers can't tell if it is a car, a motorcycle, or an advertising sign.
Car parts makers and car makers are making bulbs and LED lamps for cars that use colors other than the allowed red, yellow, and white. Each light color has a definite meaning. Other colors are illegal to show on vehicles in most states.
Car makers are making tail light lenses that are clear.
When the lights are off, this can make it look like the back of the car is the front.
It looks momentarily like the car is coming toward you.
This has most of the disadvantages of a product with menus and remote controls.
Such products include air filters, sink drain cleaners, special lamps (e.g. LED), computer printers, tape recorders, house cleaning devices, pet waste collection devices, pet toys, scented items, and other products that use accessories that are used up.
When the company discontinues the product and its accessories, the product you bought will soon become useless.
Many companies are selling "safety" devices for bicycles which are illegal to use as directed on bicycles in most states:
There are several reasons why the temperature in such a room gets alternately hot and cold:
The cap can either be a child-proof push-and-turn cap or a screw on cap. Turn the cap over to choose.
These bottle caps have the following problems:
Pick up the bottle in the medicine cabinet and the flap knocks over all the other bottles and some fall out.
These "childproof" bottle caps require such excessive strength or dexterity that geriatric patients cannot open them.
They have to find strong dexterous children to open them.
A dubious suggestion is at right.
These actually filter out all blue light. How do they increase the definition of your vision?
"Small parts included for causing damage to children."
These confuse drivers who use the lights to determine the amount of braking. They might make sense when free-flowing traffic has to stop suddenly. But in bumper-to-bumper traffic, they quickly become annoying.
The purpose of the rod is to keep the products on the shelf from falling off.
The rod swings outward to hold larger products quite well.
But when smaller products (e.g. water bottles) are put on the shelf, the rod won't
stay swung in.
It swings out when the door opens, and the bottles fall out (right).
A pivot with click stops is needed.
The product does not taste the same with salt sprinkled on it as it tastes with the salt mixed into the recipe. Removing the salt from all products to satisfy the few with low-salt diets is just plain wrong.
There must be two versions of the product - one with salt and one without.
The driver has a 'key' in his pocket and he and the key are in the car.
He pushes the button once to start the car. He pushes it again to stop the
engine.
The problem is that a hacker can remotely receive the signal from the key, make a copy, unlock the car, get in it, and drive it away.
This would be a great idea, except...
The new fiber optic phone connections get power from the power lines. The modem plugs in to a power socket and powers the phones. If the power fails, so do the phones. The power-failure light gets no power.
The soundbar is a lot easier to install. Just put it below your TV. Face the soundbar and you hear all of the surround sound effects.
The problem is what happens when your turn your head. All of the surround sound effects disappear when you turn your head to face away from the TV to one side.
The packaging is so strong that the user can't get into it. This includes those plastic blisters that require you to have tin snips to cut them open, sauce packets that won't tear open (you have to get scissors), and the CD and DVD cases that require many multiple steps to get them open.
The jewel box is too fragile. It can crack or break, the hinges break off or the tabs holding the booklet break. The best are the printed cardboard pockets for CDs.
Most of the CD storage devices sold today hold just the CD, not the jewel box. This means you lose all of the notes about the content of the CD.
The tails don't work. They break in two, don't open the package, or knock the conical top off the chocolate (which then falls and is lost in the rug). After a party, the tails are found all over the floor.
The label and price tag are more important than the product. Pulling on these can damage the garment. And if the T-end is injected between layers in the garment, you can't get it out. Cutting it off leaves the plastic end inside the garment.
These cause damage to the produce from tearing, residues, or little bits of the tag left on the product. Often a special solvent is needed to get the tag off.
These become clogged with dust often.
This then blocks the air flow.
This makes it hard to fix the fixture when the bulb fails.
This requires replacing the entire fixture when the bulb fails. Try finding the same fixture 20 years later when the bulb fails.
Shirt and underwear makers took the tags out of the shirts and printed the label on the inside back of the garment after customers complained that the tags itch. But the garments still itch because the ink used for the label is what itches, not the tag itself.
Too many car dashboards and car stereos require major disassembly when a bulb burns out and must be replaced. Many of these have the bulbs soldered into place. Because of labor costs, it is often cheaper to replace the entire circuit board or stereo.
They do all that is advertised, but they give off gases that some people are sensitive to. The page author can't breathe around one.
The self-driving cars various companies are making are far from crashproof:
Self-driving cars will never totally have the ability to understand the situation like human drivers can do. Computers can't be taught intuition.