# OR HOW EGALITARIANS CAN RUIN EVERYTHING

At a workweek-long camp for children, Egalitarians decided to make sure that every kid got exactly the same amount of cake. So they tried several different plans. None of them worked right:

1. DAY ONE
The Plan
• There are several different cakes.
• The cake pans were deep so there were no corner or edge pieces with extra icing.
• Each kid gets a number alphabetically.
• Each slice of cake is numbered.
• Each kid gets cake when his meal is eaten and cuts the slice of his own number.
The Complaints
• Several pieces fell apart because they were cut out of the middle of the cake.
• Several kids complained that they were allergic to the flavor of cake they got.
• Some kids said their pieces were smaller than the pieces other kids got.
• One kid got a pile of crumbs because that was all that was left of his slice.
• One kid couldn't eat anything but the icing because he is gluten-free.
• One kid couldn't eat the icing because he is diabetic.
• One kid's piece was gone when he got to the cake. He didn't get any.
Score: 10 bawling kids
2. DAY TWO
The Plan
• There are several identical cakes (all white cake with white icing).
• The cake pans were deep so there were no corner or edge pieces with extra icing.
• Camp workers cut the cakes.
• Each kid gets a number by random drawing.
• Each slice of cake is numbered.
• Each kid gets cake when his meal is eaten and gets the slice of his own number.
The Complaints
• Several pieces fell apart because they were cut out of the middle of the cake.
• Some kids said their pieces were smaller than the pieces other kids got.
• Three kids got piles of crumbs because that was all that was left of the slices.
• One kid couldn't eat anything but the icing because he is gluten-free.
• One kid couldn't eat the icing because he is diabetic.
• Six kids didn't like white cake.
• One kid used his number from yesterday and got seconds with his new number.
• Two kids' pieces were gone when they got to the cake. They didn't get any.
• Several pieces in each cake were not served because those numbers were not drawn.
Score: 17 bawling kids
3. DAY THREE
The Plan
• There are several cakes of three different flavors (white, yellow, chocolate).
• The cake pans were deep so there were no corner or edge pieces with extra icing.
• One mathematically inclined worker with a ruler cut all of the cakes.
• Each kid gets a number by random drawing from one of three flavor bins.
• Each slice of cake is numbered.
• Each kid gets cake when his meal is eaten and gets the slice of his own number.
The Complaints
• Several pieces fell apart because they were cut out of the middle of the cake.
• Five kids got piles of crumbs because that was all that was left of the slices.
• One kid couldn't eat anything but the icing because he is gluten-free.
• One kid couldn't eat the icing because he is diabetic.
• Two kids used their numbers from earlier and got seconds with their new numbers.
• Three kids' pieces were gone when they got to the cake. They didn't get any.
• Several pieces in each cake were not served because those numbers were not drawn.
Score: 15 bawling kids
4. DAY FOUR
The Plan
• There are several cakes of three different flavors (white, yellow, chocolate).
• All of the cakes are gluten-free and have sugar-free icing.
• The cake pans were deep so there were no corner or edge pieces with extra icing.
• One mathematically inclined worker with a ruler cut all of the cakes.
• Each kid gets a number by random drawing from one of three flavor bins.
• Each slice of cake is numbered.
• Each kid gets cake when his meal is eaten and gets the slice of his own number.
The Complaints
• Several pieces fell apart because they were cut out of the middle of the cake.
• Eight kids got piles of crumbs because that was all that was left of the slices.
• One kid couldn't eat the cake because he is allergic to flaxseeds in the gluten-free cake mixes.
• Ten kids said they didn't like their cake because it tasted funny.
• Three kids used their numbers from earlier and got seconds with their new numbers.
• Five kids' pieces were gone when they got to the cake. They didn't get any.
• Several pieces in each cake were not served because those numbers were not drawn.
Score: 29 bawling kids
5. DAY FIVE
The Plan
• They fired the egalitarians and used common sense.
• They made large cupcakes in three flavors (white, yellow, chocolate).
• Those needing gluten-free or sugar-free could order special cupcakes.
• The cupcakes were all the same size.
• Each kid got to choose any cupcake he wanted.
• Each kid chooses a cupcake when his meal is eaten.
• Extra cupcakes were made in each flavor. Seconds were allowed.
• Leftover cupcakes were kept for other uses or given to the staff.
The Complaints
• Two kids didn't like their cake because they wanted a flavor not provided.
• One little girl fell face first into her cake. They gave her another piece.
• Many cupcakes were left over.
Score: 3 bawling kids