COMPUTER GOOF-UPS

These are cases where computers, programmers, or manual writers have fouled up:

1. Error Messages:
   • Keyboard not detected. Press F1 to continue.
   • Too many fingers on keyboard. System halted.
   • If you see this message, call (number). The software has detected a bug in itself.
   • To be not this error, please accept the button change.
   • An error has occurred. Please call the system manager to discuss this error.
   • What is the date, stupid? ... What time is it, dummy?
2. Instructions that might be followed if possible:
   • Do not use the other cleaner, or the glass will become vague.
   • Do not put low density disk in high density drive unless used in high density drive.
   • Jumper 5: The options available are enable and disable (what does it do?).
   • Reset all disturbed peripheral cards in motherboard sockey.
   • Please close all windows and try again. (all windows are closed)
   • If extension cord is needed, do not use.
   • If colors are wrong, press RESET, and run program again. Repeat until correct.
   • The software must be reinstalled so the software can be installed.
   • Do not touch the light bulb when installing it.
3. Warning labels for what??? Here they are:
   • Small parts included for causing damage to children.
   • Open only at static free workstation (on a bag full of nuts and screws).
   • No use octopus to connect computer to wall.
   • Keep computer well you from heat away, register, furness, radiator, TV, set, wok.
   • To keep legal, you put in register right away. Otherwise royalties come take you.
   • Dont try to tip TV cart on someone when moving.
   • Use of this equipment subject to Federal Copyright Law. (Sign over a desk)
   • Sending chain mail through email is against policy. (What about plate armor?)
4. Scramblish:
   • "Donkey Kong" was a mistranslation. It was supposed to be "Monkey Kong."
   • Find the I/O adress of the fuction, then setting jimpers j1 ... j10.
   • If computer still not operate, problem is the computer chose is bad.
   • Do not lose this radio in closet when installing dead batteries.
   • Product keep on shelf for reeks in pantly (not refrigerate).
   • This is nice mouse wash and prevents plague build-upon teeth.
   • Keep from wet where can injury electronics or customer and make lawsuit.
   • Be careful with the train (Translation of standard Mexican railroad crossing signs).
   • Do not dispose direct to the sun.
5. General foul-ups:
   • Y2K. Nobody thought about what happens when the 2-digit years overflow.
   • A newsletter saying that all computers in the organization were Y2K compatible was dated January 6, 0100.
   • One bank's computer multiplied all account amounts by 100 for two days.
   • The label on a hard disk drive curled up and jammed the floppy drive above it.
   • The manager of a mailing list accidentally sent out the command list of list members.
   • UNIX is a foul-up by itself, because nobody understands it.
   • They disabled error checking to make a database work. An error then crashed the CPU.
   • They put a magnetic latch on a disk storage cabinet sold nationwide. It erased disks.
   • Intel made a little mistake in the Pentium: It makes mistakes in long division.
   • 9/9/99 The Nines-Stop Bug, where a date containing all nines was used by COBOL programmers as an end-of-file mark.
   • The Millennium Bug made people think the new millennium began on January 1, 2000.
   • The 6-digit bug made the date 1/10/2000 is wider than a 6-digit field.
   • The Gregorian Bug caused equipment to expect no leap year in the year 2000.
   • The 7-digit bug, made the date 10/10/2000 is wider than a 7-digit field.
   • The Julian Date Bug caused an error on 12/31/2000.
   • The Daylight-Saving Time Bug I (April fool bug), made some Microsoft computers changed time on the wrong date.
   • The UNIX EOF Bug had computers using the same bit pattern for a file end marker and the date 8/8/2001.
   • The Daylight-Saving Time Bug II was created when Congress changed the starting and ending dates for Daylight-Saving Time.
6. Wacky hackers:
   • Emailed fake email password lists, tapped lines, and watched password change commands.
   • Sent e-mail: subject = "Good Times". Warns of email virus: subject = "Good Times."
   • Printed fake error messages on the operator's console, causing him to reboot.
   • Released a virus that warns people that Friday the 13th is tomorrow.
   • Signed up Rush Limbaugh's email address to every mailing list they could find.
   • Made a virus that kills disks if the computer is used outside a 9 to 5 weekday.
   • Broke into defense department safes and left "Guess Who?" notes.
   • Released a virus that makes work after 3 pm on Friday impossible.
7. Pentium Jokes (From the Pentium bug):
   • How many Pentium Engineers does it take to change a light bulb? 1.999986371
   • What is the "Intel Inside" sticker for? Warning label.
   • Why "Pentium," not "80586?" First Pentium said 80486 + 100 = 80585.9992847718
   • What uses are Pentium computers good for? Paperweight, door stop, or boat anchor.
   • Many computer users are in jail for tax evasion. They did their taxes on a Pentium.
   • What Pentium instruction is used most often? Emulate 8088.

LINKS:

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• THE Y2K CHRONICLES