PHILOSOPHY BEHIND THE DESIGN OF WOMEN'S SHOES

(parody)

Some features are put in women's shoes for reasons other than the obvious ones. Here are some of them, with what may be the real reasons the men who design women's shoes put them there. At least, these are the only logical reasons I can see for them being there:

PLATFORM SOLES	MANY STRAPS, TIES, AND BUCKLES	SHOE BUTTONS	SPIKE HEELS
For walking through puddles without wet feet.	These are an excuse for being late to a meeting.	Can make a much bigger excuse for being late.	Can aerate the lawn with a minimum of effort.
SPIKE HEELS	SPIKE HEELS	LOW-CUT VAMPS	LITTLE HOLES ALL ACROSS THE TOE
Can be substituted for a disk harrow on a small farm.	Cause lawsuits against stores with floor registers.	These let rainwater in when it rains.	These let water in when it rains. Crocs are an example.
LITTLE HOLES ALL AROUND THE SOLE	MULTIPLY-WOVEN LEATHER STRAPS	SLIDE-ONS	LACE-UP HIGH TOPS
They let water out when it rains. Crocs are an example.	These leave little pressure marks on feet.	He will buy you new shoes if you lose one in his car.	These keep you from losing a shoe in his car.
OPEN TOES	CLOSED TOES	SANDALS	FOOTBED SHOES (E.G. BIRKENSTOCK)
Wiggle your toes in mud without taking your shoes off.	These are places to hide pudding on April Fools' Day.	These gather beach sand for your collection.	Can gather much more sand for your collection.
PENNY LOAFERS (WITH PENNIES)	HIGH HEELS	NARROW HEELS	COGGED SOLES FOR MORE TRACTION
These cause toddlers to ask questions about the pennies.	These are an excuse to fall into the wrong guy's arms.	These guarantee a fall into the wrong guy's arms.	These collect mud cookies to be dropped in various places.
CLOGGING SHOES	CLOGS	CORK SOLES	RUBBER-SIDED WHITE SOLES
These make lots of noise when you walk.	Stomp these into leaks in earthen dikes.	These are handy places to store thumbtacks.	These let you write down phone numbers without paper.
WHITE CANVAS SHOE UPPERS	WHITE LEATHER SHOE UPPERS	WHITE RUNNING SHOES	WEDGE SOLES
These soak up grass stain when you mow the lawn.	These soak up dog poo when you mow the lawn.	These have canvas and leather, and do both jobs.	This keeps mud and gunk from collecting in the instep.
WEDGE SOLES	KNEE-HIGH DISCO GO-GO BOOTS	HIKING BOOTS	HIGH HEELED HIKING BOOTS
Can be used to chock a wheel when you are change a tire.	These are perfect for parking lots under construction.	These are obviously for getting stuck in mud.	These can mix the mud, and then get stuck in it.
BLOCK HEELS	BLOCK HEELS	ROUNDED-BACK BLOCK HEELS	OPEN SHANKS
Use these for self-defense.	You can use these as emergency mallets.	Can be used as an emergency croquet mallet.	These are perfect for squishy wet socks on rainy days.
ANKLE TO CALF TIES	CLOTH CHINESE SHOES WITH FLAT SOLES	LITTLE BOWS	VELCRO
These make the wearer insane trying to tie them right.	They self-destruct at the slightest distress.	These snag every string or yarn the cat left around.	Can make ripping noises at boring meetings.
VELCRO	JELLY SHOES	HIGH-FASHION SHOE DESIGNS	ARMY SHOES
This nabs the strings and threads the bows missed.	JELLY SHOES are for Jello jumping.	They change every year, to get you to buy more shoes.	You can be rid of all of this nonsense with these.