Laws of Force and Motion:
- A body in motion will remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
- The force applied times the comedy modulus equals the acceleration.
- Every action has a reaction of an amount that causes the funniest result.
- A red traffic light can cause all toons that can see it to stop where they are, even
in midair. Motion resumes when the light turns green.
- A policeman blowing a whistle can do anything a traffic light can do.
- As speeds increase, objects can be in more than one place at a time.
- Ricocheting off walls increases this effect.
- Spinning, fighting, panic, and throttling are common examples.
- Motion is always accompanied by funny sound effects.
- Several motions, formerly quite possible for a toon, are now impossible, now that
vocal sound effect creator Mel Blanc has died.
- The following items generate attraction forces:
- Money, food, pleasant scent, mud puddle, pond, magnet, cliff, policeman.
- The following items generate repulsive forces:
- Hazard, bully, jumping in water, ugly toon, ghost, skunk, matrimony.
- A body suspended in space will remain suspended in space until made aware of the
- Gravity is transmitted by slow waves of long wavelength, stretching a falling
object until the highest part starts to fall.
- The time it takes an object to fall 20 stories is greater than the time it takes
whoever knocked it off to spiral down 20 flights to catch it.
- Usually the object breaks
- Sometimes it flattens the catcher.
- All principles of gravity are negated by fear.
- A sharp object will always propel a toon upward.
- The feet of a fleeing toon, and the wheels of a fleeing vehicle, need not
ever touch the ground.
- Everything falls faster than an anvil.
- A safe or a large rock can fall slower than an anvil only when falling behind a
- A red traffic light can halt objects that are falling. This lasts until the light
turns green, when they resume their original falling speed. A toon can climb out of
a falling vehicle halted by a red light and walk out of frame if the "WALK" sign comes
on while the light is red.
Properties of matter:
- Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its
- The main forces generating this effect are skunks, ghosts, and matrimony.
- This effect can be negated by paint (see next entry).
- Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to look like doors or tunnel
entrances. Others can't.
- The toon who painted the opening is always constrained to the original
reason it was painted.
- A toon successfully passing through the entrance does not leave a perforation in
- A toon failing to enter is stopped by solid matter intervening suddenly, unless
driven by a skunk, a ghost, or matrimony, where it will leave a perforation.
- The toon passing through the entrance may enter a different environment than the
toon leaving a perforation.
- Once a perforation has been made in the wall the opening was painted on, the
painted opening no longer functions.
- Doors knocked off their hinges can create or destroy openings in whatever they
happen to lean against.
- A toon can take a hole from one surface and apply it to another surface when needed.
Holes can also be dragged.
- Toons and scenery can be extremely flexible when necessary.
- A toon can hide behind anything, unless failure to hide is funnier.
- Rabbits can tunnel from here to there in less than 20 seconds, and emerge clean.
- Robots and computers will always make stupid mistakes:
- A robot approaching an already open door will swing the door the other way and
crash through the wall.
- A robot stopped by suddenly intervening solid matter will always lose its head.
It will then grope around trying to find it, and put some other device (such as a
toaster) on where the head goes.
- A robot will fall apart at the funniest moment.
- A computer making a mistake will behave like a stuck record.
- Computers blow up or burn out when given impossible to solve problems.
- A fat toon jumping into a body of liquid can displace the entire amount of liquid
forcefully into the surroundings.
- The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" toons, who can make
items appear at will.
- Toon solid wastes can be recycled just by throwing them outside the frame (e.g. an
empty spinach can).
- Violent rearrangements of toon matter are temporary.
- A toon will always assume the shape of its container.
- A toon taken apart can reassemble itself.
- Explosions and weapons are never fatal. They temporarily turn toons black
- Drinking a chemical makes a toon change color or size, makes it grow hair, or turns
it into something else.
- Only ink solvent can kill a toon. But the cartoonist can resurrect the toon by
drawing it again.
- When a toon is aware of being in a cartoon, it can play with the elements used in
making a cartoon:
- Toons in any medium can do fantastic things with pencils, pens, ink, and erasers.
- A toon in any medium can interact with the cartoonist.
- Toons in comic strips can play with the talk balloons, the frames, the artist's
signature, or the copyright message.
- A toon in a newspaper or a comic book can play with other parts of the publication
by cutting a hole in the page it is printed on.
- Toons in cine cartoons can play with the soundtrack, the framing, the camera, the
cameraman, the projector, the screen, the titles, subtitles, or the credits.
- A toon in a cine cartoon can jump into or converse with the audience.
- Real actors in mixed action/animation films can have all of the powers of toons.
- This entire effect is called Comic Existentialism.
- For every vengeance, there is an equal, but opposite revengeance.
- Dynamite is the quantum unit of (and always appears with) animosity.
- Favored weapons: mallet, anvil, dynamite, pie, cake, seltzer water, skillet, dishes,
rolling pin, boxing glove on a spring, boulder, huge flyswatter, safe, piano, jello,
flypaper, guitar, broom, skunk, glue, and beehive.
- Spinach imparts powers of strength, and ability to change into other objects.
- Nothing can happen unless it eventually leads to something funny.
- Brand names in cartoons fall into two categories:
- Something punny (e.g. Haxwell Mouse Coffee)
- Stupidity is reflexive, symmetric, transitive, and indestructible.
- The following cartoons follow terrestrial laws of physics instead of cartoon laws
- Documentary and instructional material.
- Adaptations of non-cartoon literature.
- Science fiction.