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The following seem to be new religions, based on my observations of the activities of the members of these sects. Each sect has all of the characteristics of a religion except a name. So I thought I would coin a few names to be used for these new religions:
Deity worshiped: Perfection in nature
People of this faith want to return everything to the way things were before the Biblical Flood. Among their goals is the complete removal of carnivorous activity from the face of the earth. Little do they know that it can't be done by earthly effort, but it is one of the prophecies of the Christian afterlife.
Deity worshiped: Animals
This group wants to save the whales, and all other endangered species, no matter what the cost is to humans. It's odd that they support human abortion, since it takes the lives of the innocent. Motto: "Save the Cetus; kill the fetus!"
Deity worshiped: Bill Clinton and Hillary Clinton
Members believe that former President Clinton and his wife are the perfect role models.
Deity worshiped: Controlling other people
The belief of the controlist is to control the actions of other people.
Deity worshiped: Bicycle riding
This strange group believes that anyone riding a bicycle is somehow endowed with immunity to both traffic laws and traffic accidents.
Deity worshiped: Self-importance
The goal in life of members of this sect is to make others obey them.
Deity worshiped: Equality
This is the belief that everyone should be required to be both equally poor and equally inept. A subsect exists:
Deity worshiped: The Three Stooges
Their goal in life is to be stupid.
Deity worshiped: Elvis Presley
This group believes that Elvis Presley is alive, and is possibly working at Area 51 to restore the Marie Celeste.
Deity worshiped: Entertainment
This group tries to get as much entertainment as is possible. One side-effect of this belief is government sponsorship of entertainment and entertainment facilities.
Deity worshiped: Boredom
This group believes that anyone who is entertained is sinning. The Taliban produced their religion by combining Islam and Entertainophobianism.
Deity worshiped: Frisbees
They believe that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof, and you can't get it down
Deity worshiped: Government handouts
They spend their entire lives in the quest of their holy grail: free handouts from the government. They also pursue government regulations that stop others from annoying them. Two subsects exist:
Deity worshiped: Government
This subsect of the Gimmeans worships everything government does, but especially what government gives away.
Deity worshiped: Dance
This group considers all government subsidies as windfalls from heaven.
Deity worshiped: The absence of religion
This group works extremely hard to try to remove all other religions from the earth.
Deity worshiped: Movie stars and critics
This belief is divided into several overlapping sects, each with a belief first created either by a scene in a film or by the activities found in movie production.
This group believes that every statement made on TV by an actor or actress must be the absolute truth.
Their entire standard of behavior is determined by the contents of the films with the highest current box-office receipts.
They believe that cartoons are real. Because of this, they believe that, because cartoon animals can talk, both real animals and cartoon animals have souls.
Deity worshiped: Fish eggs
This group exists solely for the purpose of eating fish eggs.
Their entire standard of behavior is determined by the contents of the films with the highest acclaim by critics.
This group pursues all forms of happiness that have ever been recorded on film.
Deity worshiped: A phonograph record on a forked stick.
This sect believes that, after the next world war, the entire world will become barbaric and will consist of city-states ruled by dictators.
This group sees the future world as an ocean with a few islands after global warming melts the ice caps.
This group believes a messiah will come and use sandworms to remove polluters from the planet.
This sect believes that homosexuality is genetically inherited, despite evidence to the contrary. Their evidence for this belief consists of the statements of actors and actresses who swear that this is true. This evidence is supported by phony scientific studies that were designed solely to prove that these actors and actresses are telling the truth.
This is the most active sect of the Hollywodds. They actively seek every impure thing, especially the ones shown in R, NC-17, and X-rated films. Also, if the Bible says not to do something, they do it religiously.
Deity worshiped: The Force
Spawned by Star Wars, this group tries to tap "The Force" to do strange things. They also try to glow in the dark after they die.
This dangerous sect believes that humans will evolve into a race of politically-correct liberals.
This group uses as its standard of behavior the lyrics of the currently top-rated songs.
Their entire standard of behavior is determined by the contents of the films with film ratings having the strictest admission restrictions.
This group sees the future world as a desert after global warming strips the water from the earth.
Deity worshiped: Arnold Swartzenegger
This group believes in taking the law into their own hands.
Due to what they see in films, this group believes in extraterrestrials.
Teevyism (or Televism)
Television is their god, and it must be served through continuous watching.
Deity worshiped: The Kennedy clan, and especially John F Kennedy
This group deifies John F Kennedy, and worships the rest of the Kennedy clan.
Deity worshiped: Mud
This group does nothing but try to get both their trucks and their bodies stuck in thick deep mud.
Deity worshiped: Being nice
The entire purpose of this group is forcing everyone to be nice to each other, with strict penalties for disobedience of their beliefs. They would prefer to live under a dictator rather than fight to preserve their freedoms.
Deity worshiped: Solitude
This group acts vigorously to prevent anyone from changing the use of any parcel of land near their homes.
Deity worshiped: Barack Obama
Members believe that Barack Obama is the savior of the world.
Deity worshiped: Peace
This group acts vigorously to prevent war at any cost to themselves and others.
Deity worshiped: Walking
Similar to the Cyclotarians, this strange group believes that anyone on foot is somehow endowed with immunity to both traffic laws and traffic accidents.
Deity worshiped: Safety from all possible sources of injury or harm
This group is out to destroy or prohibit anything that can possibly cause injury or harm to anyone. Little do they know that nothing in this world is safe.
Taxic Waste Worship
Deity worshiped: Tax revenues
The main goal of this sect is to spend as much tax revenue on trifles as is humanly possible. They ignore what their increased taxes do to other people, but of course, they always seem to get out of paying taxes themselves.
Deity worshiped: Ecological efficiency
Members of this group destroy any property they find which they deem to be a waste of natural resources. Favorite targets: SUVs, construction sites, and outdoor lights.
Deity worshiped: Making others work harder
This group is devoted to eliminating anything that makes life easier, so that others have to work harder or use more of their time to do their work. But strangely, the members are never willing to do this harder work themselves.
Deity worshiped: Dr Seuss
This strange group bases its liberal beliefs on the literary works of "Doctor" Theodor Seuss Geisel.