IF BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON HAD BEEN
AMONG THE FOUNDING FATHERS
If President Clinton had been one of the founding fathers if Hillary had been
his wife, and if the other founders of this country had followed his examples,
then the history of our country would have been altered in the following ways:
- Mount Rushmore would be just another mountain. Environmentalists would
never have allowed the sculpture to be carved.
- The Wright brothers would never have been allowed to test their
invention. It would have been seized by safety experts, and the brothers would
have been institutionalized. The airplane would have been invented
- Only one political party would be allowed: the Clintonites.
- A planning commission would have denied permission to build the
Washington Monument due to height restrictions.
- The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) would have prohibited
drilling for petroleum after the first gusher. Petroleum would have first
been developed in the Middle East.
- The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) would never have let
Henry Ford produce even one automobile for sale.
- The Bill of Rights would have been called the Rights of Bill.
- The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) would never have approved
either aspirin or quinine as drugs safe for human use.
- The National Fire Protection Agency (NFPA) would have banned the use
of both natural gas and electricity in homes.
- The Statue of Liberty would never have made it through Customs. The
duty on it would have been prohibitively expensive. (And with the Clintonites
in charge, it would have been given to some other country with less government
- The steamboats invented by both John Fitch and Robert Fulton would have
been declared "hazards to navigation" by the US Coast Guard.
- Planning and zoning boards would have rejected the Pentagon building as
"Too Big" and as not conforming to standard architectural practice.
- The FDA would never have approved the consumption of peanuts.
- The Center for Disease Control (CDC) would have stopped Fleming's
cowpox inoculation experiment, citing the extreme risk.
- There would be no radio or TV, because Environmentalists would have
branded radio transmissions as a pollutant.
- A monogamous heterosexual marriage would be illegal.
- Anti-discrimination laws would have exposed millions to deadly incurable
diseases, such as Smallpox, Tuberculosis, Polio, and Diphtheria.
- The Supreme Court would have overturned the Louisiana Purchase as
misappropriation of Federal Funds.
- Lewis and Clark (who might have explored Wisconsin instead, due to the
item above), would have been required to take so much safety gear that they
would have refused to make the trip.
- Labor unions, political boundaries, and Environmentalists would have
prevented construction of the transcontinental railroad.
- The Erie Canal would have been blocked by the EPA because it could
introduce foreign species into the Great Lakes.
- Indians would have been required to wear Coast Guard approved life
jackets and carry throw-ring life preservers in their canoes.
- The log cabin Abraham Lincoln lived in would not have met building
- The First Amendment would not have the clauses about freedom of religion
and freedom of speech. Secular Humanism would be the state religion, and any
politically incorrect speech would be punishable by life imprisonment.
- Paul Revere would have been arrested for violating a noise
- Clara Barton would have been charged with practicing medicine without
- The Daguerreotype would have never made it past either the EPA or the
CPSC, because it used mercury.
- Because of the above, there would be no cinema industry or movie
stars, and portrait painting would be the most successful vocation.
- Gun control advocates would have assured that we would have stayed
British colonies. We would have been called "The Dominion of American
- Environmentalists would have stopped all nuclear research. Germany
would have developed the atomic bomb, and we would now be part of the Third
- The city of Washington DC (District of Clinton) would have been the
first city destroyed by the atomic bomb. It would have been brought in by a
German courier with diplomatic immunity, to trick the Clintonites into thinking
that Germany wanted to negotiate peace. New York would have been the second city
destroyed by the bomb.
- The Germans would have landed men on the moon.
- Barton Stone's great revival would have been ruled an illegal assembly
by the Secular Humanists in power.
- Most of the economy would be on the black market, because nobody could
stay in business legally with the high taxes.
- Eli Whitney's cotton gin would have been required by the Occupational
Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) to have so many safety devices on it
that he would never have been able to sell it.
- Sewing would be banned because of the sharp object hazard.
- Under National Health Care, people would have to wait for months to
get doctors appointments. They would have to wait just as long to get their
prescriptions filled. By that time, they would have either gotten well by
themselves, or died.
- The perpetrators of the Boston Tea Party would have been jailed for
long terms and fined billions of pounds for deliberately polluting the
- The First Continental Congress would have been stormed by Janet
Reno's goon squads and deported to Cuba.
- The government would always be broke, because the high taxes would
cause frequent business failures.
- Clinton's descendants would have been the perpetual lords over the
Dominion of American States, even after its absorption into the Third
- The leading causes of death would be abortions, gang shootings, AIDS,
Gestapo violence, and lack of medical care.
- The Civil War would have been fought over freedom from taxation, not
slavery. But the South would have won, because the Northern army (the
Clintoneans) would have been bogged down in bureaucracy.
- Assuming Hoover Dam managed to be approved by the EPA, it would have
been sabotaged by the Earth Liberation Front (ELF).
- Our economy would never have achieved the greatness it once had, because
it would have been taxed to death from the start.
- When Patrick Henry said, "Give me liberty, or give me death!" he would
have been shot.
- There would not be a Panama Canal. The EPA would have stopped it
- The principal export product would be wheat. No manufacturing would be
possible, because all power sources would be banned. But the amount exported
would be small, because people would choose welfare rather than work.
- Most of the land would still be owned by Indians, but they would not be
called Indians, but by their tribal names.
- The Internet would consist of a series of tin-can-and-string
telephones and typewriters (assuming that tin cans were allowed to exist by the
- People would freeze in winter. Coal, oil, gas, and electricity would have
been banned by the EPA, and the Environmentalists would never allow harvesting
trees or peat for fuel.
- People would die of food poisoning and summer heat. Refrigeration would
not exist, because there would be no power and no coolants. The taking and
storing of winter ice would also have been prohibited.
- Plastic would never have been allowed by the EPA.
- Sound recording would not be possible beyond the wax cylinder, because
electricity and plastics would have been banned.
- The Labor Department would never have approved assembly lines.
- Nobody would be allowed to do anything without getting permits from at
least 26 bureaus in each of 14 different levels of government.
- Anyone publishing a list like this one would be jailed.
Look how far away from the reason for founding this country we have come!